Walking

(This is an excerp from something i'm writing, so if you don't understand, deal with it)

He looked at me blank, but not uncaring, and I suddenly hated him. Still, he wanted to understand. So I tried to explain the best I could.
"I was walking this morning, as I usually do. You know, you've gone with me. It's nothing extraordinary, it's simple. I just walk for the feel of it. But when I was walking this morning, it was different. I was on this long street, all by myself, and the leaves were falling. There was brown and red and golden yellow all over the ground, and in my hair. They were falling all around me, and I couldn't stand it. I started running. I ran and ran, but I couldn't feel anything, so I just ran faster. I couldn't feel anything! Don't you understand? It was all falling. It was all of me, strewn on the ground, dead and beautiful. I couldn't feel anything, and I wheezed and ached, but I kept running. And I thought I would run until I died. I knew I would run until I died. It didn't matter because I wasn't myself, and I was just like everybody in this stupid world, as I always was but didn't want to admit it. But I couldn't feel! I knew it hurt, but I couldn't feel! And i'm stupid and ugly and nothing just like you and all those people I have criticsized all my life. Then I tripped. Demetri, I tripped and cried. I fell apart just like the trees and now I can't go back to how it was. Do you understand now? I'm sure you do, because it's exactly the way that every human feels. I am not unique, Demetri. I'm a dime a dozen. I'm just like all of them..." I started to cry again. I saw in his eyes, the conflict between instinct and knowledge, and he decided not to touch me. And though I hated him, I wished he had touched me. He hadn't understood a word I said, and that was fine, because I had made no sense. But for once, I wished he disobeyed and touched me. I was just a nobody like everyone else, and everyone likes to be touched.

(So, yeah, you probably don't get it, and yeah, I know, I know, it's lame and typical, but if you do happen to get it, that is exactly what I was going for. She had always thought herself special and comes to find out that she isn't. Yeah, you can tell me what you think, but i'll be deleting it soon, more than likely.)