I was a little sad

Beautiful,
Ignorant,
Confused,
Lovely,
Caring,
Selfish,
Hurting me,
Loving me,
Talk to me, silent,
Tell me you love me,
I'm holding you,
Holding you back,
I can't let you go,
Don't make me,
I want to,
You need me to,
If only I could disappear for half a year,
Then it would all work itself out,
But I can't,
It's forever or never,
So i'll stay,
My knuckles turning white; holding on,
You won't leave,
Maybe you should,
But you won't
And that makes me happy.